Washington D.C.—The political landscape took another unexpected turn this week, with The Trump administration set to accept a lavish Boeing 747-8 from the Qatari royal family. Sources say the plane, rumored to have gold-plated seat belts, will serve as the new Air Force One.
Detroit, Michigan - In a move that has sent panic (and perhaps a gentle, knowing chuckle) across the political landscape, former First Lady, Senator, Secretary of State, and two-time almost-President Hillary Rodham Clinton has reportedly declared her intention to seek the nation's highest office once more. The announcement, sources say, came during a spirited backstage rendition of "Don't Stop" at the Fleetwood Mac reunion tour in Detroit.
Detroit, MI - Vice President Kamala Harris took to a makeshift podium in downtown Detroit, addressing an assembled crowd with a speech that seemed to materialize from the ether, apropos of absolutely nothing. "I've been practicing this all week," she announced, her voice echoing slightly off the surrounding buildings, "and I'm, like, super ready to share my… insights."
Let’s just be mature for once and admit that maybe you overreacted. He didn’t call you fat to hurt you—he said it while laughing. That’s a bonding mechanism in his family. He was including you. Do you want to be part of his world or not? And about the cousin thing? He barely flirted. A light thigh graze, one whisper during Scattergories, and suddenly you’re accusing him of incest? Grow up. He’s affectionate. That’s how healers heal—with intimacy.
The morning. A time of gentle awakening, birdsong, and quiet contemplation. Or, if you're like most of us, a frantic scramble against the relentless march of the clock, punctuated by existential dread and the faint, lingering aroma of last night's questionable takeout. To help navigate this chaotic pre-8 AM landscape, we've compiled a crucial list of introspective queries. Ponder these deeply, perhaps while wrestling with a stubborn sock or attempting to locate your misplaced keys. Your sanity (and possibly your job) may depend on it.